| Fahrenheit | Celsius | Observations |
|---|---|---|
| 60° | 16° | Californians put on their mink coats. |
| 50° | 10° | Miami residents turn on the heat. Californians shiver uncontrollably. |
| 45° | 7° | Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. Californians weep pitiably. |
| 40° | 4° | You can see your breath. Californians disappear. Minnesotans go swimming. |
| 35° | 2° | Italians cars don't start. |
| 32° | 0° | Water freezes. |
| 30° | -1° | You plan your vacation in Australia. |
| 25° | -4° | Ohio water freezes. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming. |
| 20° | -7° | Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south. |
| 15° | -9° | French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. |
| 10° | -12° | You need jumper cables to get the car going. |
| 5° | -15° | American cars don't start. |
| 0° | -18° | Alaskans put on T-shirts. |
| -10° | -23° | German cars don't start Eyes freeze shut when you step outside. |
| -15° | -26° | You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist. |
| -20° | -29° | Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start. |
| -25° | -32° | Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. |
| -30° | -34° | You plan a two week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start. |
| -40° | -40° | Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweater. Your car helps you plan your trip South. |
| -50° | -46° | Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window. |
| -80° | -62° | Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game. |
| -90° | -68° | Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets. |
| -100° | -73° | Hell freezes over. Republicans finally tell the truth about Iran Contra. |